Pines Lean

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A Birthday Eulogy

June 19, 2022 by Patrick McCuistion

It’s my dad’s birthday today
I would have sent him a simple text
It might have said
I love you dad, happy birthday
I hope you have a wonderful day today

And he would have smiled 
His son remembered
He often had to remind us of our mother’s
She would want to know we loved her so

And maybe he always knew 
His time to go would be so soon
He should prepare his sons to go
With clarity and wisdom
Through the canyons and the mountains new

On his special day
Someone might tell a joke
A laugh and grin upon his face
Would signify a hidden taste of grace and love within his heart

A merry man
His joy was contagious
His laugh echoed through our halls
And every quiet voice would find time
To sit with him
And be better for his presence in their life

It’s my dad’s birthday today
And I wish I could celebrate it with him again
In his presence
I could share how much I miss him
On this somber day of remembrance

June 19, 2022 /Patrick McCuistion
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Time

May 17, 2022 by Patrick McCuistion

We always have more time —
Until we don’t.
Though we hold it with an iron grip,
It slips away, regardless. 

We never plan to have regrets —
Until they come.
And unlike time, it takes much more
To wash regret away. 

You always had the words to say —
Until they left you.
And when the words came back like a flood,
They tore apart your heart as you cried.

You always could have said what you wanted
But the words were blinded
By the light of their own existence.
A life well lived, a proof of enduring permanence.

A steady ship of mind and bone, 
Relatively here you know
And only ever gone with death’s grip, 
Clearly within sight, yet painfully out of reach.

May 17, 2022 /Patrick McCuistion
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Legacy

May 12, 2022 by Patrick McCuistion

I never ever had to think of legacy
Maybe it’s because I always grew up climbing trees
Never thought that I would love the touch of money
As much as I loved the fields I played in at home

I always thought that the idea of legacy was extraordinarily strange
And never really a concrete fact
Because once they’ve passed 
You start to think of what they would have done
Which is just a nice excuse for what you wish had been
Just pretend

I never had to think of legacy
Always laughed at my friends who fretted over their successors’ dreams 
You see, I always thought that it was cut and dry
A 50/50 split of everything
Only to have to walk beside your kin
To find the answer to what’s next
After death has called at last
Its friend
To rest in peace unmasked

A legacy, a piece of everything
Or can we just lose the things and find peace
In letting it fade to black and disappear behind the curtain, cut the glass
A break from living legacy
I never really worried, see
I thought that madness predisposed us to silence our amenities
Desires for every part of me
Fight for what I want to see
In my very own legacy
I think it’s extraordinary 
That fate has brought my mind at peace
To losing everything
Because it was never really mine

So what could be a legacy
Respect for every part of me
A simple rhyme, a merry beat
A solace for the leaves on trees
To be the only green that sets me free
Or is that even the answer
Simplicity
I think that it’s not part of me
To sit outside with bumbling bee
Seagulls wait on silent sea
To find their peace 
What is their legacy?

They do not worry about anything
Not money or the leaves on trees
They eat and squander everything
Thinking of only now
And treasure still haunts me. Why?

Why does this mean legacy
When all my dreams are filled with peace
On every shore and side of me
I want to see my son set free
From worrying of legacy
As I was all those years ago
Before my father passed to me
The keys of pondering legacy
Instead of climbing trees

May 12, 2022 /Patrick McCuistion
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A Miracle of You

May 10, 2022 by Patrick McCuistion

I really called it magic
When I sat beside your bed
I thought I would miss the chance
To be there at the end

I begged God for a miracle
He gave me three instead
Of wonders, magic, mystery
And nothing left unsaid

On counters round the corner
And a hallway white and blue
The doors swung closed in silence
As I walked the halls to you

What could I be missing
Is there something I should see
Those wonders fading even now
And what they meant to me

I begged God for a miracle
He gave me three in lieu
Of wonders, magic, mystery
A miracle of you

May 10, 2022 /Patrick McCuistion
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The One

May 03, 2022 by Patrick McCuistion

The Strong One

A character on silver screen can shine so brightly yet
On eve of torment’s final steps a man might slip away
When in the hospital, a home of sorrow lightly slept
The strong one rose to win the day and conquer death’s defense

She held her post there, by his side
A man with no mortal words
But an immortal vision rested there
Of life lived, strengthened yet

Some wondered how she could hold the line
How she ever slept
When he was heading straight forward
Toward untimely recompense 

If you ever look inside the heart and soul
A vision
Once untold
Of strength, reborn a lion’s fold
Grew out of this romance

A time to grace
Would come soon
But for now, it was the time
For the strong one to appear

The Angry One

The swearing man
Sweating
Pacing round the floor
A vision of the battles his father fought once before
A dark unrested mind full of newfound terrors more

He’s scaring himself with his dark thoughts
A tower on his own
His friends thought he would isolate 
But he’s landlocked by his soul

The angry one looks toward the strong one
And wondered how it was so
That in their grief they might find relief
In God’s celestial shore

A peace that rests, produces strength
In time, on bended knee
How could those prayers make effortless
The torment of his grief

But anger feels good
It feels right that it should be so
For injustice has been served
A memory for his foes

He feeds it
Coaxes it out of his soul
Because it’s his only feeling so far
And he doesn’t want to let it
He simply just can’t let it
Go
The angry one wants more


The Quiet One

When the strong one was believing 
And the angry one was seething
The quiet one was resting by himself

He always knew his silence was
The leading attribute
To talk a little less was to secure his lonely quest

He pulled himself together, facing every sort of weather
To come and see, to witness the events
Pacing round the quiet room
Singing soft and lonely tunes
Wanting nothing but to say his last farewells

He couldn’t muster anything
Or cry in front of anyone
He held his tears for another quiet time

So when he said farewell that day
He drove himself, he cried away
From prying eyes that quantified his grief

For to analyze the quiet one
Loads up a loose and violent gun
Emotions charged beyond the world’s prescription


The Helpful One

Oh dear I know just how you feel
I’m sorry for your loss
He was such a good man
You’ve all paid such a cost

It isn't always what you wish they'd say
Accept them for what they are
Because they are the helpful one
A shoulder you can cry upon
Holding weight of grief, long-gone
With their well-intended words

The helpful one has books to read
When you can see through all your tears
It might take a lifetime yet 
To rest in their advice

The strength, and anger, the quiet place
Will come and go with time
You’re never just one feeling 
Never boiled down
No, never boiled down
To a single diagnosis or one mistake

Because forgiveness shows us how to let go
And the helpful one comes to show
That life moves on, no matter the season
The river flows


The Departed One

The departed one could just hold on to see his firstborn son
He ran to the one who abandoned him, encircled him in a hug
For the one who leaves is the one who has the most to lose, I think
To live only in the memory of the ones who didn’t sink

For silenced tales of lonely men, abandoned by their peers 
Fall into a depressive state for these oppressive years
A time to think, a time to grieve, now gone without a thought
The lonely and departed one will never be forgot

On that bed surrounded by the hopes and dreams of men
The science that could save them now, the hope that they depend
So how can father take it with his old signature grin
A hint of wit, a light of jest, a hope for better things

That man, departed, is like a man restarted
Carrying life to everyone
Because in death we see the life we live is running faster still
We know there must be more to this 
We come on bended knee
To the only one who could explain the departed one
And the joy he left in me

May 03, 2022 /Patrick McCuistion
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What You Took Away

April 30, 2022 by Patrick McCuistion

Did you ever know
How much you took away
With you, when you left?
A time long gone
In the simple instant you breathed your last

There came a song
A melody, like simple bird
It fluttered near
Around the bed
And you spoke to me
Answered all my questions without a word
I think you knew
The tragedy of loss played out instead
Inside your head

Did you ever know
How much we loved you then
In moments, now long gone
A distant memory, but still so close
The mind plays tricks
And picks at notes
That melody, it breathed its last
It sighed, and slept

But did you know?
How much you took away
With you, when you left?
I ask, not in anger or regret
I just want to know
If you knew
We loved you

I know

April 30, 2022 /Patrick McCuistion
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